My Learning, My Yearning

An education is a building. We start lower to the ground, grow up, and need reinforcement.

My pain is my teacher. Like with all teachers, the student writhes in his seat and complains the whole time. The student won't stop talking, but the pain stands there waiting until he's done. Then the lesson continues.

A dream. A first true love sublimely guides you to your family home which in waking life rots. She laments the change too. She is with you. She sees your pain.

The Lover sees your pain. "He layeth me down in green pastures." The dream backyard of the home. So green. So bright. Shot through with being. It shines like that in the day too.

Finally the sun is back. October, November, December, January, February... Pain.

A feeling of unease unchecked grows into a panic and terror. My body's pain from so many deaths and fear of losing anymore makes my mind diligently scour my entire life for threats. Then it diligently treats everyone as a threat including and especially myself. What an exhaustion this education. Buildings need fire alarms, carbon monoxide alarms, security systems, backup security systems, evacuation plans.

So too the body of the earth is like our body. Magma seeps from my hand and heals a heart. If I walk barefoot on the ground my body relaxes. Sun on my skin makes me brown in one day's bike ride. I can play my drum in the sun too. You don't need eyes to play a drum.

I made a fire and now I smell like smoke. No alarms. I worried about town ordinances, but no one seems to put the heat on anymore since a pandemic wounded us all. Pain waits silently for all of us now. What are we learning?